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The ShadowLands
Over the last year or so, the Royal Australian Navy has been holding an inquiry into sexual harassment arising from some tabloid television program that everyone has since forgotten. The basis of the allegations was that sailors were betting on having sex with female workmates and that there was a “Ledger” detailing the bets and women to be bedded. Disappointingly, these specific allegations were apparently dismissed early on, but some other allegations of impropriety seem to be emerging through the inquiry. As Andrew Bolt pointed out, whoda thunk it? Normally big on women’s rights, the Greens have been noticeably quiet about the whole process, and the reason might have something to do with this article in Vexnews. Vex claims rumours abound that there really might be a sex ledger in existence, but it’s not in the Navy... Vexnews understands that Gunns achieved much more than making the Wilderness Society cautious about assaulting timber workers, it also discovered as part of the legal process a raft of embarrassing documents that reflect very adversely against the high-ups in the Wilderness Society. Sources familiar with the matter have told Vexnews that one of these documents revealed a high-ranking official of the Wilderness Society had listed the names of many young women members he’d bedded at a series of camps and had even put a mark out of ten besides their names based on his level of satisfaction. It sounds unlikely that an item like that really would be handed over as part of a legal process – but then again, as we've noted before, can the stupidity and hypocrisy of greenies ever be truly over-estimated? Speaking on behalf of right-minded folk everywhere, we need to hear about all the details. Hopefully each of these submissions will begin with the phrase, "Dear Wilderness Society Sex Inquiry, I never thought I would testify to an inquiry like this, but recently, out in the forest, something happened that really blew my mind..."
An Australian-Croatian artist from the Blue Mountains is in trouble with the Sydney Aboriginal community over the depiction of a sacred Aboriginal image called the Wandjina/Wondjina – a freaky humanoid figure that comes from ancient carvings in northern Australia, many thousands of miles away. Now with an issue like this, The ShadowLands would normally automatically side with the liberal tradition of artistic freedom, but this is one issue that is maybe not entirely... ahem... black and white. Indeed, The ShadowLands has tackled an issue like this before – the balderdash about women and didgeridoos. But to explain why we reckon this might be a little different, here is some background... Wandjinas are ancient carvings found at many sites in a distinct geographical area of the Kimberleys of northern Australia. These images have astounded anthropologists because they look nothing like any other kind of Aboriginal art – to the extent that some argue they might, in fact, have been produced by another long extinct Asian group. The other amazing thing about these images is their antiquity, with one dating going back a mind-blowing 17,000 years. (Early erroneous estimates, since corrected, suggested they were 60,000 years old - a mistake that has still not been erased from many of our text books, but then, that’s a whole other story...) What is not disputed is that the Wandjina figures are of great and continuing cultural significance to a number of Kimberley Aboriginal tribes. This historical text demonstrates that in the 1950s, the local Aborigines did indeed have a range of beliefs about the Wandjina, but were not so hung up as to prevent people seeing or reproducing them. In fact, to this day, if everything about the Wandjina figures was so sacred, you would imagine that drawing them would not be part of the West Australian school curriculum. However, the thing about this issue that makes us a little uneasy is not so much the imagined breach of Aboriginal lore, as the shallow appropriation of it by hippies for money. Alarm bells about this issue start ringing because of this quote by the artist: “Asked if she had sought permission to use the image, Tenodi says she did not need to. "It was actually the other way around - the spirits asked me to do this. They asked me to revive the tradition which has turned into dead knowledge, and I agreed." Wandjinas are part of the belief systems of Kimberley people and artists, and one of a few cultural legacies that might provide them with a modest advantage. If New Age people really want to get into Wandjinas, maybe they should buy the artwork from Kimberley artists, or else leave it alone. In the meantime, the Sydney Aboriginal community should leave her alone, not least because the harassment of her does a disservice to their Kimberley cousins. (BTW: Beating me to it, Boy on a Bike has his take on this subject, here.)
Kevin Rudd is taking a major risk by setting up a debate between himself and Tony Abbott on Tuesday. After months of seeing his personal approval rating erode, Rudd apparently feels that he needs to take control of the agenda - and he might yet be proven right. However no Opposition since the Great Depression has managed to roll a first-term incumbent government in Australia, so Abbott must be considered the underdog. This is why, even though Rudd is choosing the battlefield for the debate, Abbott should welcome the opportunity to fight on it or at least lift his kilt in the general direction of the Labor Party, Braveheart style. Labor wants to make health the battleground for the election, because opinion polls show that this is where they are considered to be ahead of the coalition. Rudd, it is understood, is going to make a major election policy promise about health before the debate, and seems to think that he will ride a wave of adulation for the initiative and emerge from the debate to the cheers of the adoring public. But there is one small detail he might have overlooked – it could be that, as more and more people are realising, Rudd really is a complete non-achieving dweeb, and that he is merely giving Abbott a podium upon which to point this out. It could also be that, as often happens when new initiatives are announced, there are bugs in the costings or reactions that Rudd never bargained for. However, even if Rudd promises each of us a hospital room at the Hyatt and a sponge bath with the nurse of our choice, Abbott has the extremely easy path of pointing out that Rudd is the Newman of Australian politics, or the Mailman Who Never Delivers. If Abbott really wants to make an impact, he needs to find something new to say that puts Rudd off balance – something not unlike the famous birthday cake question that saved Australia from Dr John Hewson. If this debate turns out badly for Rudd, the punters who have bet on the ascension of Julia Gillard really might be onto a good thing.
Posting here in the ShadowLands has been a little patchy lately because our computer is busted and we are relying, as ever, on the kindness of strangers. In the meantime, how about you bastards try some self-improvement?
Rugby league is a base past-time played by boofheads – but crikey it’s good to watch. The season kicked off on the weekend and did not disappoint, with some scintillating television games. This was a matter of keen interest for sports followers in New South Wales and Queensland – much less from the other states, where support for Aussie Rules (AFL) borders on the fanatical. One of the favourite occasional pastimes of the commentariat – usually hot on the heels of the latest off-field league scandal - is to predict the demise of rugby league. None other than our own Asian Correspondent, John Quiggin has been known to indulge, noting here: "The only real event on the League calendar is State of Origin, and that's not enough for long-run survival." (And more, I think I recall, in posts he has since deleted). However, the problem for the doomsayers is that rugby league has shrugged off the scandals and is going from strength to strength. In the meantime, its private school-based cousin, rugby union is struggling in Australia with ever worsening television ratings and crowds. All of the pundits who were saying, just a few years ago, that rugby union might take over league have suddenly gone quiet. Interestingly, the reason for this comes down to the origins of the games. Rugby league was formed as a breakaway competition from rugby union 100 years ago when injured players were dissatisfied with a lack of compensation when they were injured. One of the major drivers of rugby league ever since has been making the game pay for itself by providing a spectacle. Rugby union tootled on, meanwhile, and developed its own more complicated on-field rituals that are much less interesting to spectators than they are to the players and administrators. While anyone who plays the game seems to love the culture of the sport, the biggest problem for rugby union appears to be the dead-hand of over-regulation. Rugby union has survived for a long time and is not likely to expire any time soon, but is going to need to evolve quick smart if it is to avoid being the biggest casualty of the battle for hearts and minds in Australia between AFL and rugby league.
Australians really do live longer than just about any foreign types you might care to mention. In this exclusive, we continue to share the nutritional secrets that are bringing Australians ever closer to immortality...
4. Beetroot in hamburgers
It’s hard to believe, but long-living Aussie tourists swear that quick-dying folk from a range of foreign countries don’t have beetroot in their hamburgers. While many Australians don’t even like having beetroot in their hamburgers, it is believed that the simple act of removing beetroot from a hamburger may provide enough medicating purple stuff on the fingers to protect Australians from diseases ranging from gout to gonorrhea.
5. Lime cordial
Aussie children are brought up on a range of cordials, but the most mysterious of all is green “slime” cordial. Little is known about the ingredient that gives this cordial its deep green colour and slippery texture, but we can speculate that the colour is reminiscent of certain mosses you might only find in the twilight world of Tasmania’s ancient rainforests. After being removed from this environment, it didn’t take long for Truganini and other Tasmanian Aborigines from colonial times to die out. Are we meant to believe all of this is just pure coincidence?
6. Vegemite.
Vegemite is derived from yeast extracts that are rumoured to be remnants from the beer-making process. Say no more.
7. Chiko Rolls
Possibly the most mysterious of all the dishes in the Australian Longevity Diet, scientists can only speculate about the health benefits of these deep fried cylindrical things because nobody knows anything about the ingredients.
8. Lamingtons.
It is understood that you will find most of the vitamins in lamingtons on the border of where the chocolate soaks into the sponge. Leading medical experts believe that when these vitamins are attached to the longer lasting bits of coconut, they can provide weeks of protection against a range of diseases including rickets and leprosy.
9. Milo.
Top scientists can ascertain the age of most Australian children merely by looking at the crust of Milo on their face that has transferred from the top rim of the glass. Generally speaking, if it’s somewhere on their forehead, they are either very young, or it’s a bloody big glass. These same top scientists are still trying to ascertain whether or not this magical cocoa and barley extract helps to stave off old age, but preliminary investigations seem to suggest there is a link between Milo and youthfulness.
10. Sugar glider wings.
The deep-fried wings of sugar gliders – only available at Australian branches of KFC – are thought to contain cartilage responsible for the legendary sexual potency of the average Australian male.
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